Helpful tools and strategies for child anger management

20th September 2022 / Posted by Family Welfare

Does your child suffer from angry outbursts?  

Do they sometimes get aggressive and throw things?  

Do they often throw tantrums, at home or in public places? 

These are all potential anger warning signs in children. Our child anger management counsellors see them frequently and are here to help children and families find solutions. In this post we’re going to explore some useful strategies and techniques parents can use to help manage your child’s anger, rage or aggression.  

What causes children to get angry? 

Sometimes it’s easy to identify the root cause of children’s tantrums and angry outbursts. A common cause is upheaval in the family. This can include the arrival of a new baby, divorce, moving house or school, or the loss of a sibling or relative. A show of frustration and anger could be your child’s way of trying to control the situation. Or, it might simply be a sign of them learning to recognise and manage their own emotions.  

Children are often too young to understand the emotions they are feeling. Their confusion and anxiety may be more easily expelled through rage, as this is an emotion they know how to deal with.    

If you’re worried about your child’s angry outbursts, it’s important to observe your child to identify what is normal behaviour for them. If these incidents become more frequent, perhaps it’s time to seek help from a child anger management counsellor.  

Is my child really angry or just tired or hungry? 

Observing and monitoring your child’s anger can help you determine whether or not your child needs professional support. Keeping a journal of signs, triggers, reactions and behaviours can also be helpful. Other common signs of anger in children include:

• Being stubborn or defiant when you or other adults ask them to do something
• Being disrespectful to teachers and other adults
• Fighting and arguing with friends and siblings
• Being aggressive towards you, other people or friends at school
• Lashing out, shouting out and answering back 

 It’s important to remember that not every instance of these behaviours is a sign of anger. Sometimes your child might just be tired, ready for their next meal, or trying to exert their authority. This is why monitoring behaviour over time is a good idea. It can help you to separate red mist anger from hungry anger. 

Anger management strategies for children 

Below are some calming tools and strategies that may alleviate feelings of frustration, anxiety and anger in children. Who knows, they might also help the adult reading this post!  

1. Talk calmly and encourage them to share  

When your child reacts angrily, sit them down and talk calmly about what just happened. If your child is old enough, encourage them to talk about how they feel and what caused them to be angry. Explain that, in future, if they get angry they can talk to you instead of getting in a rage. Younger children might not understand what’s happening to them, so explain what anger is and that they should talk to you if ever they feel like that again. 

2. Show some love 

When a child has an angry outburst, often a hug and a kiss will diffuse the situation. Who doesn’t feel calmer after a quick squeeze? For older children or those who don’t enjoy such full-on contact, try different physical touches to calm and relax, e.g. rub their back, stroke their arm, or brush their hair.

3. Praise and reward when they behave well  

A good tip for managing future anger is to reward positive behaviours. Make it clear what good behaviour looks like and create a star chart when your child remains calm or shares their anger with you instead of lashing out.

4. Do a calming activity 

Listening to music, counting, reading a story and stroking a pet can all help take your child’s thoughts away from what’s making them see red. Find a favourite activity to distract and refocus the mind.

5. Imagine you’re in your favourite place 

Another good distraction technique is to ask your child to visualise their favourite place, describe what it looks like and how it makes them feel. For younger children, you could do this yourself first then ask your child to share their own. 

Above all, be a good example 

We all know that children learn from adults, therefore it’s essential to role model good behaviour and set the best example for your child. If you’ve had a bad day, talk about what has made you angry and show your child it’s ok to talk about their feelings, especially the ones that make them feel angry or upset. 

If your child is finding it difficult to manage anger or anxiety, please ask us about our free, independent child anger management counselling service. There is more than one way to start the conversation and we’re here to help.